Damned

Network with other poets, including fans of Robert Lee Brewer's Poetic Asides blog.
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Mallori
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Damned

Postby Mallori » Thu Apr 04, 2013 9:27 pm

The fur gets tangled by the breeze like
the way you twist my feelings and bend and
break them to the whims of your cracked hands.
I knelt down before you as a servant
only to smell the bitterness on your skin.
I lifted my head and looked toward the
damned nature that lies in us all.
You didn't hide it or mend it.
It was set free and allowed to roam
through the way and encircle my mind
the way fear does.

KnightWriter
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Re: Damned

Postby KnightWriter » Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:21 pm

What do you mean by "fur"?

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Mallori
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Re: Damned

Postby Mallori » Fri Apr 05, 2013 2:52 pm

I was thinking of my dog when I wrote that. I take her walking every day and her fur gets tangled when the wind blows so it reminded me of how my feelings had been tangled from a bad relationship. I too worried about that line because I think it's too vague. Is it too vague?

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Re: Damned

Postby max2011 » Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:52 pm

great poem!

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Mallori
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Re: Damned

Postby Mallori » Fri Apr 05, 2013 5:36 pm

Thank you, Max2011 :)

KnightWriter
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Re: Damned

Postby KnightWriter » Mon Apr 08, 2013 3:23 pm

It wasn't bad at all, however, for me it did throw me for a loop. Oh, and the only poem...since you're interested...I have on here is in this and the Poetry Critique forum. I got a piece from that "smoky ocean" one I told you about asking for help on what sounds better there too. Only thing is, I'm glad I didn't have a headache that day because the only responses I got for help there confused me so much! :lol:


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