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Dream: Mistaken : Poetic Asides • Writing Forum | WritersDigest.com

Dream: Mistaken

Network with other poets, including fans of Robert Lee Brewer's Poetic Asides blog.
KnightWriter
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Dream: Mistaken

Postby KnightWriter » Wed Mar 06, 2013 1:22 pm

He gently kissed that vacant pillow lying next to him.
In such future hope that, if God did will it,
A blessing named "Wife" would fill that void.
Until such a time draws near, this poor creature,
this lonely inhabitant called "Man,"
shall spend both day and night in patience.



Does this sound better as a paragraph, or could I make my own rules and separate it a bit? I was also thinking of using it as some sort of backstory intro at the start of a short story I'm currently writing too. Oh, and it would seem that some people are nasty here with their words. To you naysayers...you are the kind of people I'd like to treat to a cheeseburger, because without opposition...nobody can truly succeed.

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Anya Kylash
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Re: Dream: Mistaken

Postby Anya Kylash » Sat Mar 09, 2013 12:54 pm

You are really quite the optimist, aren't you? :roll:
It doesn't rhyme, and that always hits me when I read free verse. I think it's something in between a good paragraph and a good poem. You've just got to lean a little to one side to make it perfect.

Paragraph: You'll fill in those sentences and make it a little less starstruck, put it in paragraph form.
Poem: You'll give it a steady count, cadence, whatever. That's all you'd need, but I'd prefer a little rhyming, just in one or two lines. That's just me, though.

*edit* Also, if you go down a bit more, there'll be a forum entitled "Poetry". That's where poem reviews are given and it's far more active than this. If you feedback, post there.
Finished:
Race Against Fate -101k words
Loyalties Lost -121k words
Forgotten -100k words
Friends and Foes -113k words

Unfinished:
Alone - 32k words

KnightWriter
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Posts: 122
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2013 12:09 pm

Re: Dream: Mistaken

Postby KnightWriter » Wed Mar 13, 2013 12:05 pm

I just read an earlier post from you...and you can actually be respectful. Who would've thought, huh? :lol: I guess this means we're verbal rivals or something? In any case, I'm ready to shoot to thrill with my work.

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Anya Kylash
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Re: Dream: Mistaken

Postby Anya Kylash » Wed Mar 13, 2013 6:04 pm

Yeah, who'd have thought? I actually really do like your poem. I was having a really bad day and it was wrong of me to take it out on you here. On you anywhere, actually...
Finished:
Race Against Fate -101k words
Loyalties Lost -121k words
Forgotten -100k words
Friends and Foes -113k words

Unfinished:
Alone - 32k words

KnightWriter
Private First Class
 
Posts: 122
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2013 12:09 pm

Re: Dream: Mistaken

Postby KnightWriter » Fri Mar 15, 2013 11:37 am

Awww...well thank you for your honesty. Apology accepted too! It must be a cosmic coincidence when I post something here I just so happen to catch you on a bad day. :lol: I bet Mr. Miyagi would be proud of our ongoing ping-pong game. :)

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Anya Kylash
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Re: Dream: Mistaken

Postby Anya Kylash » Fri Mar 15, 2013 12:47 pm

Yeah, well, honestly, I didn't think you'd even come back to the site. You're the first new person to stick around since I joined. Most just post once and never return. Imagine, first time I say something negative and terrible and it's to the first person to stick around!
Finished:
Race Against Fate -101k words
Loyalties Lost -121k words
Forgotten -100k words
Friends and Foes -113k words

Unfinished:
Alone - 32k words

KnightWriter
Private First Class
 
Posts: 122
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2013 12:09 pm

Re: Dream: Mistaken

Postby KnightWriter » Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:38 am

Meh...I figure there's always someone ready and waiting to employ some sort of scare tactic. It doesn't matter if I step on the land mine or not, it's how I react to the sudden explosion. If only those who ran off, tail tucked between their legs to go back under a rock, knew you didn't mean it and you were just giving them battle scars to prep them for the future...I bet they wouldn't take it so personal. Me? I figure no matter what chemical presentation they seem like, they're still just words. And at the end of the day, words mean nothing as opposed to action. But, kindness and true beauty, though hidden beneath the rocky armor, has a chance to break through...if the one on the receiving end of whatever blunt words are issued gives that respect a chance to come out. Thanks again Anya! It's nice to have a fan....even though I got no ammo to shoot back and give you a battle scar. :)

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Anya Kylash
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Re: Dream: Mistaken

Postby Anya Kylash » Mon Mar 18, 2013 4:49 pm

Finished:
Race Against Fate -101k words
Loyalties Lost -121k words
Forgotten -100k words
Friends and Foes -113k words

Unfinished:
Alone - 32k words

KnightWriter
Private First Class
 
Posts: 122
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2013 12:09 pm

Re: Dream: Mistaken

Postby KnightWriter » Thu Mar 21, 2013 11:09 am

Is there anyone you might recommend who may like it too for publishing? An administrator told me that some places count posting on here as publishing, but not all of them. I did not know that one, but I do know that (thanks to writers like yourself :) ) it is worthy of publication or some sort of award.

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Anya Kylash
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Re: Dream: Mistaken

Postby Anya Kylash » Thu Mar 21, 2013 7:47 pm

If you're looking for a book, you might want to write some more or join up with other poets to submit to poetry agents or publishers. If you mean for a magazine, I'm not sure at all.
Finished:
Race Against Fate -101k words
Loyalties Lost -121k words
Forgotten -100k words
Friends and Foes -113k words

Unfinished:
Alone - 32k words

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