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Poem: Confusion : Poetic Asides • Writing Forum | WritersDigest.com

Poem: Confusion

Network with other poets, including fans of Robert Lee Brewer's Poetic Asides blog.
whitepenney
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Poem: Confusion

Postby whitepenney » Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:07 pm

I'm all up in smoke/thoughts smolder gray and choked/ free me, don't see me, I'm panicked and frantic/pulling and yanking an animal craning/ straining to free itself from
the spokes. -Penney White

identity
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Re: Poem: Confusion

Postby identity » Sat Mar 30, 2013 11:56 pm

This has quite an emotional impact, Penny. You said a lot with few words and I really feel the desperation. I think "free me, don't see me" is especially powerful, as is the allusion to the endless cycle.

I wondered if there could be a comma before "an animal craning," and you might consider "straining to break free of the spokes".

whitepenney
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Re: Poem: Confusion

Postby whitepenney » Mon Apr 08, 2013 8:41 pm

Thank you for the time to read and make a suggestion, I will try it. :)

aplomb
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Re: Poem: Confusion

Postby aplomb » Sun Oct 06, 2013 1:26 am



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