Poem: Confusion

[whitepenney]

I'm all up in smoke/thoughts smolder gray and choked/ free me, don't see me, I'm panicked and frantic/pulling and yanking an animal craning/ straining to free itself from
the spokes. -Penney White

[identity]

This has quite an emotional impact, Penny. You said a lot with few words and I really feel the desperation. I think "free me, don't see me" is especially powerful, as is the allusion to the endless cycle.

I wondered if there could be a comma before "an animal craning," and you might consider "straining to break free of the spokes".

[whitepenney]

Thank you for the time to read and make a suggestion, I will try it.

[aplomb]