Change

Network with other poets, including fans of Robert Lee Brewer's Poetic Asides blog.
L. Ray
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Change

Postby L. Ray » Mon Sep 03, 2012 8:30 pm

Change
For the good or bad
Can transform your life
Forever


Can’t blame it on circumstances
It’s not the cause
It’s your reaction


Don’t influence me
I have my own aspirations
And life goals


For the better or worse
No matter what
I’ll still be there for you


No one can alter my opinion
You need support
You can cry on my shoulder


I’ll keep you strong
When you feel like fail
And encourage you


Change
It’s not the end
It is a new perspective
Of life



Constructive critisism is appreciated.
Last edited by L. Ray on Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- signed, Lily Ray :)

L. Ray
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Re: Change

Postby L. Ray » Sun Sep 09, 2012 3:09 pm

No one has any comment ? ? ? :|
- signed, Lily Ray :)

max2011
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Re: Change

Postby max2011 » Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:34 am

Most critiques are done in the poetry section in Critique Central. This particular forum is a little different. But to be a good sport, I will say I do like your poem and it hits right to home when I was a teenager. The only suggestion I would make is to do away with repeating the word "change" multiple times. You could actually do away with all and keep the first one.

L. Ray
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Re: Change

Postby L. Ray » Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:52 pm

thank you. better?
- signed, Lily Ray :)

max2011
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Re: Change

Postby max2011 » Tue Sep 11, 2012 3:24 pm

Change
For the good or bad
Can transform your life
Forever


Can’t blame it on circumstances
It’s not the cause
It’s your reaction


Don’t influence me------------- maybe you can move this down right before the last stanza and right after the word 'change'
I have my own aspirations
And life goals


For the better or worse
No matter what
I’ll still be there for you


No one can alter my opinion
You need support
You can cry on my shoulder


I’ll keep you strong
When you feel like fail------------did you mean 'failing'?
And encourage you


Change
It’s not the end
It is a new perspective
Of life


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