Wayfarer

Network with other poets, including fans of Robert Lee Brewer's Poetic Asides blog.
aurora.borealis
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Wayfarer

Postby aurora.borealis » Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:04 pm

One tempestuous night, driven perforce
the wayfarer, intrepid, sets upon his course

Leaving behind many treasures unseen
from all Earthly lusts, he hath weaned

Sparing thought for neither yester nor morrow
his heart hath room for neither angst nor sorrow

At one with the unruly sea that roars
with unending patience, the wayfarer rows

When the haze finally rises, revealing a distant shore
the world shall need to know him ... nevermore
Last edited by aurora.borealis on Sat Oct 21, 2017 6:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

deddmann_writing
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Re: Wayfarer

Postby deddmann_writing » Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:28 pm

Nice.

My ear says it should be set not sets on the course. Maybe the grammar police can enlighten me as to correct usage.
Not clear why the distant shore is not part of the world too making the ending confusing.

aurora.borealis
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Re: Wayfarer

Postby aurora.borealis » Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:37 pm

Thanks for the feedback.

I think "sets" is correct because of the tense used overall. It is consistent with "rows" (as opposed to "rowed") and hath (has). It is intended to sound like it is happening as you read, as opposed to an account of something that happened in the past. Hope this makes sense.

About the ending, ... that's also quite intentional ... it is open to multiple interpretations :) It has a deeper meaning than is obvious from the words read literally.

lifeontherun
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Re: Wayfarer

Postby lifeontherun » Wed Oct 18, 2017 2:08 pm

The rythem is good, the beat is important though, and is consistent until the last line. I suggest moving the word 'nevermore' to its own last line.
Not an expert but for me it reads a beat short as written.

deddmann_writing
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Re: Wayfarer

Postby deddmann_writing » Wed Oct 18, 2017 3:28 pm

[quote="lifeontherun"]The rythem is good, the beat is important though, and is consistent until the last line. I suggest moving the word 'nevermore' to its own last line.
Not an expert but for me it reads a beat short as written.[/quote]
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Did not notice that originally but the penultimate line seems too long and the final one too short. Although they average the lengths out well.

aurora.borealis
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Re: Wayfarer

Postby aurora.borealis » Wed Oct 18, 2017 5:02 pm

deddmann and lifeontherun: Thank you guys !

dedmann, you make a good observation. I never noticed that the penultimate (great word) line was too long and the last one too short. Now that I look at it, it's true.


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