Memories

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LilliesCarol
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Memories

Postby LilliesCarol » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:09 pm

After several months of being unable to post due to some sort of glitch in my internet browser, a wonderful MASTER OF THE COMPUTER led me to a whole new world on the internet.  So much for that!  The poem you see here was my first experiment with the new system.  However,I think I posted it a long time ago,but it will be new to many of you, so have at it.  Crits are always helpful.

 

MEMORIES


Joy, sorrow, delight, regret,
Fleeting, teasing, skipping, jumping one to another
A lifetime of living, striving, surviving---
Memories, forever and ever.

Memories forged in a vise of summer heat,
Covered with autumn leaves that drift down,
Snowflakes hid them all--
Till spring rains of atonement cleansed.


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TraciB
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Re: Memories

Postby TraciB » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:56 pm

Beautiful poem! I like the rhythm of it.

Only one thing I'm wondering: in the first line of the second stanza, did you mean "vice" (bad habit or sin) or "vise" (device for clamping, holding or squeezing things)?

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TraciB
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Re: Memories

Postby TraciB » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:56 pm

Beautiful poem! I like the rhythm of it.

Only one thing I'm wondering: in the first line of the second stanza, did you mean "vice" (bad habit or sin) or "vise" (device for clamping, holding or squeezing things)?

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Lucia
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Re: Memories

Postby Lucia » Fri Aug 14, 2009 6:20 am

I, was here, and read the poem.
This type of poetry is considered to be abstract or something? I tend to like only poems that have a clear story in them, that have a line of things that happen. I might not know anything about poetry.

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Lucia
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Re: Memories

Postby Lucia » Fri Aug 14, 2009 6:20 am

I, was here, and read the poem.
This type of poetry is considered to be abstract or something? I tend to like only poems that have a clear story in them, that have a line of things that happen. I might not know anything about poetry.

LilliesCarol
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Re: Memories

Postby LilliesCarol » Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:05 am

Thanks for the read and your comments.  I meant a vise that would hold things . 

Lillies


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TexasPoet
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RE: Memories

Postby TexasPoet » Fri Aug 14, 2009 3:51 pm

I like it....as pointed out before....the poem has a very punchy rhythm....would read well.

You might write "vise" instead of "vice". See http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/vise

Also, experiment with not starting each sentence with a capital letter.

tp :)

LilliesCarol
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RE: Memories

Postby LilliesCarol » Sat Aug 15, 2009 5:19 am

Thanks for reading and thanks for correcting my bad vice to a strong vise.  tee hee

Lillies


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Elibet
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Re: Memories

Postby Elibet » Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:14 am

Lillies,

I agree with Terry. It reads beautifully aloud (especially since it's me reading it aloud:) )
I love the hidden things under leaves and snow being washed clean by spring rains.

Beautiful,
Elizabeth

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Lisa Voges
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RE: Memories

Postby Lisa Voges » Mon Aug 17, 2009 8:13 am

I also like this. :)

It interprets something of my own life to me.

:emoticon:

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