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I need some help avoiding too many Ands : Writers' Block Party • Writing Forum | WritersDigest.com

I need some help avoiding too many Ands

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ALShonce
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I need some help avoiding too many Ands

Postby ALShonce » Tue Aug 30, 2016 2:58 am

I did a tally of how many occurrences of the word "And" that was in my book. over 3k, and I havent even hit 119k words yet. I've removed some by adding action,*ing other action instead of action and other action but I would love to find a different method so that I can mix it up. Now I know I can't remove them all, like the bread and butter type of ands but if I want to reduce them. Is there any way to reduce all the ands without hurting the story?

This is a brief sample of my work. Aden is at first sensitive but toughens up in the course of the story, this is from the first chapter.

Aden fled to the nearby boy’s wash room, opened the first stall and locked it behind him. He ran his calloused hands though his sandy hair and gripped it in his fingers. Aden knew he shouldn’t take his frustrations out on his sister; she understood him like no one else, being his twin.
He clenched his hair in his fists and tried to get his emotions under control.

Thanks for reading, and have a great day

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roda havet
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Re: I need some help avoiding too many Ands

Postby roda havet » Tue Aug 30, 2016 7:34 am

I'm no expert but maybe you could try doing it this way.

Aden fled to the nearby boy’s wash room, opened the first stall and locked it behind him. He ran his calloused hands though his sandy hair, gripping it in his fingers. Aden knew he shouldn’t take his frustrations out on his sister; she understood him like no one else, being his twin.
He clenched his hair in his fists trying to get his emotions under control.

Or

Aden fled to the nearby boy’s wash room, opened the first stall and locked it behind him. He ran his calloused hands though his sandy hair then gripped it in his fingers. Aden knew he shouldn’t take his frustrations out on his sister; she understood him like no one else, being his twin.
He clenched his hair in his fists trying to get his emotions under control.

I hope this helps. :)
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shadowwalker
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Re: I need some help avoiding too many Ands

Postby shadowwalker » Tue Aug 30, 2016 10:04 am

"It seems rather like wanting to be ... a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip." - Roger Zelazny

It's really not that hard. Just tell me a story.

ALShonce
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Re: I need some help avoiding too many Ands

Postby ALShonce » Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:51 pm


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DrG2
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Re: I need some help avoiding too many Ands

Postby DrG2 » Tue Aug 30, 2016 10:47 pm

I checked my NIP, and have a frequency of "and" that is about the same as yours.

However, things like this:
"He ran his calloused hands though his sandy hair and gripped it in his fingers."

can easily be made more concise.
He grabbed his sandy hair in his calloused hands.
(though I'd really like to eliminate mention of his calloused hands because we already know "grabbed" means he was using his hands, and the only reason it's there is to specify they are calloused.)

max2011
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Re: I need some help avoiding too many Ands

Postby max2011 » Wed Aug 31, 2016 10:48 am

Great advice here. I run into the same issue in my writing. Thanks for sharing.

ALShonce
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Re: I need some help avoiding too many Ands

Postby ALShonce » Wed Aug 31, 2016 11:34 am

That's true, I'm trying to include a little description here and there but I'm sure I can mention his hands later on in a more natural way. I do tend to ramble like that. Next step descriptiona are now on my list to reduce. But how?

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shadowwalker
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Re: I need some help avoiding too many Ands

Postby shadowwalker » Wed Aug 31, 2016 12:17 pm

"It seems rather like wanting to be ... a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip." - Roger Zelazny

It's really not that hard. Just tell me a story.

ALShonce
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Re: I need some help avoiding too many Ands

Postby ALShonce » Wed Aug 31, 2016 12:47 pm


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pls
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Re: I need some help avoiding too many Ands

Postby pls » Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:38 pm

You should be writing in complex sentences, not compound or simple, as too many ands are a symptom of too-simple writing.
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