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Socialization and Study, Which One Is More Important to a Teenager? : Writers' Block Party • Page 2 • Writing Forum | WritersDigest.com

Socialization and Study, Which One Is More Important to a Teenager?

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abqwriter
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RE: Socialization and Study, Which One Is More Important to a Teenager?

Postby abqwriter » Sun Feb 05, 2006 2:35 am


Clicky
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RE: Socialization and Study, Which One Is More Important to a Teenager?

Postby Clicky » Sun Feb 05, 2006 4:48 am


Aspiring
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RE: Socialization and Study, Which One Is More Important to a Teenager?

Postby Aspiring » Sun Feb 05, 2006 5:31 am

My kids are just 9 & 5, so I haven't been where you are now with them yet, and I was fortunate not to move when I was much younger. However, I just had a similar discussion with a friend whose daughter has started high school, dating, and is finding her way in this new environemnt. I gently suggested she remember the peer and other such pressures and not be too hard on her daughter (she was upset because her grades had gone from 97 to 93!). I think the best thing you can do is stay involved with your daughter as she finds her way, and it sounds like you're doing that. I think you'll get through this difficult transition together. Good luck.

P.S. I don't mean to make light of this. It sounds as if your daughter has to handle a transition here, and with family support she will hopefully weather it well.

I think there's the usual teenage adjustment to change, angst, and then there's depression, so often misunderstood by so many, and it sounds like some people here have had to deal with that. My husband has suffered with bouts of depression for more than 10 years, and though I thought we had it under control, we just went through a particularly dark period in January. It was tough, and different from the last one so long ago before we had kids. I found it difficult to maintain normalcy for the kids, support him, run the household, and keep myself from spiraling downwards. We're on track again. One thing I would suggest is that you do something for yourself -- take time, talk with someone -- whatever may provide support for you, even asking about it here in the Forum may provide an outlet and means of support. I wish you (and the others who are or have had to deal with it) the best; I know how difficult it can be.

Curious
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RE: Socialization and Study, Which One Is More Important to a Teenager?

Postby Curious » Sun Feb 05, 2006 8:37 am

Thanks for the kind words and concern. My daughter is doing amazingly well now, considering where she was last year. She put together a courageous recovery and is now away at college. We still have some tough weeks, and last week was one of them. The right health care is very important, and she's seeing both her psychiatrist and her therapist once a week at this point. But she's determined to make it, and we have faith in her.

Yes, we talk often, write often, and instant-message often. We DO keep our eyes and ears open for those "bad signs." It's such a stressful time of life! My mother told me she wouldn't trade places with my sixteen-year-old person for the world, and I've had occasion to say that to my daughters, too. Adulthood is such a blessing!

Clare

JessicaLeigh
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RE: Socialization and Study, Which One Is More Important to a Teenager?

Postby JessicaLeigh » Sun Feb 05, 2006 10:31 am

I have a friend whose daughter was in a similar situation--I believe middle/high school is never easy for ANYONE (even the so-called popular kids). Social acceptance is rough--even as an adult, wouldn't most of you agree? I attended a school where most of the kids drove BMWs and the faculty was showing up in Oldsmobiles. The summer before I entered 9th grade, my father left. By the end of high school I was not only wearing all black, I was listening to dark, angry music & reading Stephen King as if it were the Bible. In 10th grade I was a "cutter." To any of you who are unfamiliar with this, it means I chose to cut myself as physical relief of mental pain. Heck, I didn't even know that is why I was doing it until years and years later I read some articles on it. Now, I am a happy, healthy, well-educated woman with a wonderful husband and absoultely beautiful son. The reason? My boyfriend at the time saw the slices on my arms and called my mother. Sure, I could've killed him then...but if he had never told her, only God knows what might have happened to me. I was a pro at wearing my ever-popular Swatch watches up and down my arms (it was popular to wear more than one watch back then-HA!) and I almost always had on long sleeves. My mother & I are extremely close--Gilmore Girls close--and she never knew I was doing it. It positively broke her heart. Back then I could've given a rat's @ss about studying. I enrolled in the community college simply because my best friend did & I had nothing better to do. I went on to attend Penn State, earn my B.H. and a teaching certificate and then my M.Ed. I still love Stephen King, and I still waer black more often than not--but right now, I am sitting at my computer, in a pink polo shirt while my son plays with his Fisher-Price Little People at my feet...and there is only one teeny, tiny white scar on one of my wrists. It's something I'll share with a close few and now a bunch of virtual strangers, but it's something I think every parent of a teenager should know. Sometimes being young is extremely painful. One person, be it a friend, a parent, a teacher, stepping in & showing concern can make all the difference in the world. :)

Ellen
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RE: Socialization and Study, Which One Is More Important to a Teenager?

Postby Ellen » Sun Feb 05, 2006 12:12 pm

Liz, thank you for your helpful suggestions and I appreciate it. I agree with you that, sometimes, socialization is more important than something else. My daughter has realized that socialization is a time consuming process. She is feeling better. The new school is very supportive, too. I think she will get much better with you guys' sincere concern and practical suggestions. Thank you very much.
Ellen

Ellen
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RE: Socialization and Study, Which One Is More Important to a Teenager?

Postby Ellen » Sun Feb 05, 2006 12:28 pm

Susan, thank you for your kind words and sharing with me what you've exprienced. I appreciate it. I did talk about it with some of relatives and most I got was like this: She doesn't know how to appreciate what parents did for her. What a good school it is! Tell her study is more important than making friends. Her mission is to study well.
See, that makes me depressed and confused a little bit. I don't mean study is not important but in this special moment, I think a lovable and sociable environment will help her settle down soon. Fortunately I can talk to you kind and sincere guys in this forum and get so many supports here. I can tell my daughter tried to do her best to adjust herself and was getting better every day. Thank you again.
Ellen

Ellen
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RE: Socialization and Study, Which One Is More Important to a Teenager?

Postby Ellen » Sun Feb 05, 2006 12:39 pm

Jessica, thank you for sharing with me what you've been through. I'm glad that you're doing great now. That is very true that our society is tough not only to teenagers but to adults as well. It seems like people are under different kind of pressure, however, we are bestowed some gift to overcome it sooner or later. Thank you for your understanding and your kind words. I appreciate it.
Ellen

yudelka
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RE: Socialization and Study, Which One Is More Important to a Teenager?

Postby yudelka » Sun Feb 05, 2006 5:47 pm

Ellen
I must say, at 29, I have a hard time making friends myself because I'm not very outgoing. It really was never so horribly bad for me because friends-or the lack thereof-was not so important to me. But I know it is for some people. I'm older now, so I know better. Friends are very important, especially for teenagers.

Here is the most important thing I see about your situation here. While I think socialization and study are both extremely important, having the chance to teach teenagers about life's issues is also crucial, in my opinion, simply because this is probably not the last time she'll have to deal with that.

I have an 11-year old boy in 6th grade. When the school year started, I spoke to him a lot about CHOOSING friends, rather than simply making them. As a Christian family, that is very important to me.

It sounds like you are a great family and you have a great daughter. This may be the perfect time for you to build a great relationship with her, if you don't have it already. And remember what Curious ( I believe) said here. Teenagers won't say everything, so help her out as much as you can.
I can go on & on, so I'll just stop here. I wish your daughter the very best of friends.

PS. I want to share this; I have a close person in my life who tries to teach her kids to run away from problems, or take the easiest way out when possible, and I tell you, it is so unhealthy for the kids. It doesn't teach them about life. They think the world is bad, and everything is a conspiracy against them, and life is just horrible, and things can't get worse, and they don't know how they'll ever make it, and you see where I'm going. Not healthy.
So, take this opportunity to teach your daughter a valuable life lesson, and she'll thank you later.

Ellen
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RE: Socialization and Study, Which One Is More Important to a Teenager?

Postby Ellen » Sun Feb 05, 2006 6:52 pm

Yudelka, thank you very much for your advice. That is true that sometimes escape is easier than confronting the reality. I've talked about this with my daughter and I guess she's realized it and is ready to face the challenge. I think the initial reaction to a strange situation is normal for a teenager and believe she will overcome the difficulties soon. I agree with you that there will be many changes and difficulties during life time. It's only a beginning. I appreciate your opinion.
Ellen

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