Write for Platforms of Yore

Friends, Romans, countrymen—lend me your ears.

We come to bury Reject a Hit, the back-page humor column of WD. Since the March/April 2010 issue, RaH has treated readers to the satirical letters of imagined “curmudgeonly or fool-hearted” editors, as they bluntly dismissed the manuscripts of classic novels from Lolita and War & Peace to The Lorax and Charlie & the Chocolate Factory.

Over that span of time, the column became a fan favorite, with many readers telling us it was the first page they flipped to when a new issue arrived in the mail. Indeed, entries for Reject a Hit, submitted by readers with an evident knack for humor, have continued to be a joy for our editors to sift through every month. The truth is, however, that like any modern publication, we must stay agile and on our toes, never allowing ourselves to take for granted our readership. When a column feels like it has run its course, as “Reject a Hit” finally has after so many years of superb satirical letters, then it’s our duty to find a worthy replacement.

Beginning with the March/April 2016 issue, readers will be introduced to a new back-page humor column, called Platforms of Yore. In the competitive climate of 21st century publishing, few words of advice are tossed around with such indiscriminate abandon as the insistence that authors build a following on social media. In Platforms of Yore, we imagine the hypothetical platforms of classic writers who perished prior to launching their official online writing platform—with verified Twitter accounts, Facebook pages and Instagram feeds.

Staying true to form, Platforms of Yore will be crowdsourced so that readers can suggest jokes via Twitter or email, with the possibility of seeing them in print in a future issue. The idea is simple: To embody a writer’s distinct voice and personality through their hypothetical social media posts.

Think James Joyce struggling to compose a 140-character tweet, or Dorothy Parker trolling an irritable Ezra Pound in Facebook comments. You might submit an idea in which Hemingway posts an Instagram photo of his latest hunting trophy with the following caption: “A man can kill a lion, if his aim is true and he is brave in his heart. A man can then skin that lion and make his pelt into a handsome vest that matches his linen trousers.”

We’re incredibly excited to share this new venture with you, and hope you find it as fun and fitting a replacement for Reject A Hit as we do. To get a feel for Platforms of  Yore, take a gander at its debut column, posted below.

Platforms of Yore: William Shakespeare

Have a funny idea for an author’s imagined social network? Email your tweets, Facebook posts/threads or Instagram pics to wdsubmissions@fwcommunity.com with “Platforms of Yore” in the subject line, or Tweet @writersdigest using the hashtag #platformsofyore. You could see your post (and your name) in the magazine!

Cheers, and happy writing!
Tyler Moss
Managing Editor, Writer’s Digest

P.S. Here is a list of the author platforms we plan to parody in the near future:

July/August 2016—Ernest Hemingway
September 2016—Laura Ingalls Wilder

(Note: This list is subject to change.)

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11 thoughts on “Write for Platforms of Yore

  1. mochernyak

    Exactly. The time has come so that all write something on social networks. Everyone, absolutely everyone. Once started writing something, just felt like a writer. But most of the people who write posts to 140 characters can not write a work that could be assessed. I recently went to link and found a lot of interesting pieces and talented writers. None of them are not writing great posts on the Internet. I will look to them.

  2. mochernyak

    Exactly. The time has come so that all write something on social networks. Everyone, absolutely everyone. Once started writing something, just felt like a writer. But most of the people who write posts to 140 characters can not write a work that could be assessed. I recently went to http://phdify.com/top-writers and found a lot of interesting pieces and talented writers. None of them are not writing great posts on the Internet. I will look to them.

  3. mochernyak

    Exactly. The time has come so that all write something on social networks. Everyone, absolutely everyone. Once started writing something, just felt like a writer. But most of the people who write posts to 140 characters can not write a work that could be assessed. I recently went to link and found a lot of interesting pieces and talented writers. None of them are not writing great posts on the Internet. I will look to them.

  4. ztomzack

    If anyone in this world believed in spell… it wasn’t me. I was (Doubting Thomas) when it had to do with spells, magic, voodoo, and any of those sort, until I had an experiential encounter with a real herbalist. I was on a business trip to Africa which was sponsored by the company I work for. Business class ticket, five star hotel, a personal driver…all kind of luxury of that kind. I was to stay there for a week. On the second day of this trip, I taught I needed to get a girl to warm up my bed for the rest of the days I would be staying there. So, one faithful evening, I asked my driver to take me on a cruise. Into the streets we went and in less than 3mins, I found exactly what I needed. Before I could blink, she already was on my bed because of my luxurious lifestyle. This went on until I left Africa. I went back to the States and lived my normal life. After about 8 months, I fell very sick. Went to the hospital and… I am POSITIVE (HIV). Immediately, my mind flashed back to the girl in Africa because we always were having unprotected sex and I equally had seen ARV in her purse but she said she had just gone to collect it for her father. Foolishly, I never suspected anything. I immediately called this African girl and told her how she just had ended my life. She laughed and told me not to worry about it. I got very angry but she told me she had been cleansed off HIV. I couldn’t believe what she was saying until she sent me a copy of her recently done test result. I begged her for the cure, and without hesitation, she told me about the herbalist that made her whole. I told her that I was going to do anything to get his contact, and immediately, she sent his email address (payospiritsshalospells@yahoo.com) and I contacted him. In 3 days, I went back to the hospital to get a test done, just as the herbalist had said. Behold… The result… NEGATIVE. All you out there experiencing medical problems beyond scientific solutions, do run to Dr. Payo Shalo for rapid solutions… I no longer am (Doubting Thomas)…lol.

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