PITCH WORKSHOP: Entry #7

Today’s Script Notes Pitch Workshop submission comes from Mary S., who sends in the following logline for her feature project…

“In the feature length romantic comedy, American Breakfast, a bi-cultural young Latino flees an unjust U.S. sentence and clears away the wreckage of his irresponsible past in a quirky coastal Mexican village where he finds love, acceptance and a new life.”

So please… post your constructive thoughts!  And if you have your own logline or synopsis on which you’d like some feedback, please email me at WDScriptNotes@FWPubs.com… or just post it in the comments section below.

In the mean time, thank you so much for submitting, Mary!

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5 thoughts on “PITCH WORKSHOP: Entry #7

  1. Edie

    On re-reading this, I completely missed the "feature length romantic comedy" part right up front, so I’m sorry, Mary! I need to read more carefully. I have to admit, though, it makes me a little more confused about what the primary conflict is. Also, who’s the second lead (the love interest) in this romantic comedy? I still think it sounds interesting, though, so I hope my feedback isn’t grating!

  2. Scott

    I agree with Edie, we need to see what the conflict is once he gets to Mexico. Is he being chased by the police in Mexico? Certainly sounds interesting, although I have to say the word ‘quirky’ sends alarms to me. I have seen too many ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ rip-offs with quirky characters who are just annoying.

  3. E. Daniels

    Edie pretty much said what I was thinking. We need more details, and we need to know what the primary conflict is. Also, we know how Romantic Comedies end, so I don’t think you need to give away the ending: "love, acceptance and a new life." It sounds a bit generic, and it wastes precious logline space giving us information we can already figure out.

  4. Edie

    We need more diverse characters in the movies, and I like movies that comment on social issues, so the premise definitely intrigues me. I’m wondering, though: what is the focus of the story? Or I guess another way to put it is: what is the main conflict? Is this story going to be about the main character’s downfall and the crime he’s sentenced for (focusing on social issues that led to/contributed to his "irresponsible past")? Is it going to be about escaping the US (making it more like an action-adventure or thriller)? Or is the movie going to focus on the character after he gets to Mexico and creates a new life for himself? Also, can you provide any more detail about the crime or why the punishment is unjust, since he was leading an "irresponsible life"? Regardless of the answers to these questions, all the possibilities sound interesting. Good luck!

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