PITCH WORKSHOP: David's Synopsis



thanks to David, a loyal reader who submitted his screenplay synopsis to the
Pitch Workshop!


what David writes, open the floodgates for feedback…



Genre: Thriller



honest young programmer loses his job and finds out his wife is pregnant in the
same night – and must save his family by hacking the world bank for an
egotistical madman.



young programmer Jack unexpectedly loses his job, he dejectedly goes home to
tell his wife Brooke – but stops short when she reveals news of her own: she’s
pregnant. Desperate to find work before the medical bills pile up, Jack takes
the first job offer that comes his way, a position at an internet start-up
headed by Bruce, an intense man with a passion to change the world.


But it
quickly becomes apparent that all is not as it seems, as Jack’s new job turns
out to be hacking into banks, stealing from the rich to give to the poor.
Meanwhile his relationship with Brooke is strained by lies, as he’s unable to
tell her of his new job – or risk ending up like Tom, a coworker who had
befriended him but is now destitute and living in the slums thanks to Bruce’s
sense of ‘justice.’


Bruce asks Jack to hack the world bank, throwing the world into mass chaos
leaving him to remake it as he pleases, Jack wants out. But with Bruce
threatening him and his pregnant wife, and his relationship at home all but
destroyed by lies, Jack must make a choice: save his life, or save his soul.



There you
go, folks—critique away (but please remember—no bashing; constructive criticism

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3 thoughts on “PITCH WORKSHOP: David's Synopsis

  1. snoozn

    Unemployment and medical bills are certainly timely issues that might make people want to see this movie. But I see a pretty big plot hole: If Jack is such a great hacker that he can get into banks (which have some of the best security around), he could certainly find a legal job which would give him a decent living. I think you could solve this by having Bruce offer him a huge bonus up front for a hack that might seem small but is very illegal. I think you need to find a way to make Jack more desperate. I’m having a hard time seeing why he can’t get out once the stakes are raised to a certain point. Good luck with this script–I love hacker movies and it’s so rare to find a good one!

  2. Cindy A

    I had to go back to find out who Bruce was but couldn’t locate that information. Might need to indicate who he is the first time his name is mentioned – or mention his name in the description of the ruthless boss (who is my guess as to who Bruce is).