April PAD Challenge: Day 15

Half. Way. There. That’s where we’re at after you finish today’s prompt. Somehow we’ve made it–huffing and puffing–to the top of the hill and starting tomorrow we’ll be running downhill to the finish line. Soooo…let’s get to today’s prompt, which is a “Two for Tuesday” prompt actually.

Prompt #1: Write an insult poem. There aren’t really any rules attached to the insult poem, but it’s usually done in good fun. If you write one, you can often open yourself up to a retaliatory insult poem. And that can lead to the equivalent of an insult poetry food fight.

Prompt #2: I’ve been trying to avoid mentioning it, but today is Tax Day here in the States. So it’s time to either file them taxes or file for an extension–or just continue procrastinating, I guess (“Whatever floats your boat,” as my father would always say.). Anyway, the second prompt is to write a poem that deals with paying your taxes and/or meeting deadlines.

Here’s my poem (predictably associated with the first prompt, since I’m all about verbal food fighting):

 “Smoke and mirrors”

My mama always said,
“If you don’t have anything nice to say,
don’t say anything at all.”
And that’s been great advice,
helping me get all the friends I’ve got,
avoid petty conflicts,
and find a steady happiness through all life’s ups and downs–
but let’s make one thing clear:
My mama ain’t ever met the likes of you;
she ain’t ever seen your rain cloud prophesies,
your blame shifting two step,
or your sanded down points that lead nowhere.
You’ve got answers but no meaning;
you have an image with no identity;
and everyone who doesn’t agree with you is wrong.
Here’s my advice, boy:
Next time they all gang up on you without giving a fair shake,
save up all your money to buy the largest mirror you can find;
then, use it.

 

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208 thoughts on “April PAD Challenge: Day 15

  1. S.E. Ingraham

    As I play very late catch-up, I realize this isn’t a true insult poem but rather the groundwork for collecting insults. I’m posting it anyhow and will try to make it back here with a better offering.

    Tell Me

    Someone once said,
    “… if you can’t say something nice about someone, come sit by me…”
    How delicious, I thought – I wish I’d said that.
    No matter; I’d remember to say it from now on.

    Call me awful, say what you will
    But come sit beside me
    Start to gossip and spill
    Tell me lies if you want to
    Throw in rumours as well
    Anything that you say
    Trust me – I’ll never tell
    And if you believe that
    And, I know that you do
    Then huddle in closer
    Help me sharpen my claws
    Let me pour you another
    Now tell me
    What’s new?

    S.E.Ingraham

  2. Kate Miller

    Procrastination

    I can’t write without deadlines
    I can’t exercise without deadlines
    I can’t get my work done without deadlines
    I can’t pay my bills, not to mention taxes without deadlines
    Call me lazy, unmotivated, a three-toed sloth for all I care,
    I know I’m a sorry excuse for a human being, but hey,
    I thrive on the rush of last minute adrenaline.

  3. Sarah

    Wigger
    Turn your hat around
    and pull your britches up
    ‘cus your not the thug
    you pretend to be
    with your frog face
    undies
    winking at me!

  4. Laurie Kolp

    A True Friend?

    Why must you hate me because I am beautiful?
    Why must you be such a snob?
    Don’t you know that I am merciful?
    And not just a good-looking blob?

    I, too, am a child of God,
    with a heart that is tender and true.
    And under this perfect physod,
    I am seeking a friend like you.

    But you can’t seem to let go of the past,
    nor forgive and forget what took place.
    As Jesus did at the supper last,
    forgiving each one to His face.

    Remember when I told you I am sorry,
    I hoped we could begin anew.
    Now I know I have nothing to worry,
    because I would rather have a friend that is true!

  5. LindaTK

    Day 15
    Paying Taxes

    On Paying Taxes

    Predictable hassle
    Just on time
    Or late
    Shoebox filled with slips
    Possible deductions
    Emptied just prior to April 15
    Slips from January, February, March and April
    Scattered in various locations
    Covered by other issues
    Serious focus
    Lists
    Searches
    There must be an easier way

  6. Karen Masteller

    But hark, what presence now behind me lurks?
    Indeed, ’tis one of those tailgating jerks.

    I glare in the rearview, but he’s oblivious to it.
    He’s chatting on his cellphone, the little twit.

    In an effort to lose him, I speed up the engine.
    But his face looms still closer–I count the teeth in his grin.

    My next escape ploy in this annoying situation
    Is to downshift to third and cause him much consternation.

    Though the passing lane’s clear with no traffic in sight,
    He maintains position–man, is he impolite!

    Just when I think I’ve had all I can take,
    He hangs up his phone and takes exit 58.

  7. Sue Bench

    Insult poem:

    You told us about your new job
    and how you spent time charming
    the company’s computer tech;
    telling him how smart he is
    and piling the compliments on.
    So when you need computer help
    He’ll do whatever you want!

    You think you’re so clever,
    Charming people the way you do.
    I see right through you, though.
    When you compliment me,
    I’ll know it isn’t true,
    You just want a favor.

  8. Linda Hofke

    A Little (very little) P.C.

    When I want to express
    How much ignorance you possess
    "You’re as dumb as you look"
    Just seems to overlook
    The depth of your stupidity.

    It would be better to say
    In a politically correct way
    A compliment which disquises
    The insult that arises
    Such as "you’re as smart as Bush".

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