2010 April PAD Challenge: Day 21

First, I just want to thank everyone who’s voted for me so far for Poet Laureate of the Blogosphere. It really means a lot to me, not to mention the nice comments poets have left there. (If you haven’t voted but want to, click here to go to the post.)


Second, we’ve made it through three weeks of poetry. Yay! Only a little more than one week left. We can do it!


For today’s prompt, take the phrase “According to (blank),” replace the blank with a word or phrase, make the new phrase the title of your poem, and then, write the poem. Example titles might be: “According to Bob,” “According to these instructions,” “According to the government,” “According to the sun,” etc.

Here’s my attempt:

“According to the time”

I should get out of bed and face this day
even if the sun is especially
unpleasant and rude. I was, after all,
sleeping when it decided to shine through
the slats in my blinds. In my dream, I found
a key to a haunted house. Of course, I
did not know the house was haunted until
much later–not until the silverware
was dancing through the air and animal
heads hung on the walls like trophies started
singing. It was all so sudden that I
didn’t know what to do. In fact, it was
a lot like waking up in the morning.


Follow me on Twitter @robertleebrewer


Attend my “live” webinar on How to Publish Your Poetry Collection on April 29, 2010. Click here to learn more.


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91 thoughts on “2010 April PAD Challenge: Day 21

  1. Iain D. Kemp

    According to legend…

    I am a god amongst poets

    According to legend…
    There will no more blank spaces
    not in our hearts or souls
    and most of all not in our prompts

    According to legend, come November we all
    get bowling shirts…two sizes to big
    we all get to write what the F*** we feel
    and best of all… the Americans are gonna put “Us”
    in all their adjectives…

    According to legend… Walt is 130 years old
    and writes like a pup, apparently owes Methuselah
    $100… Amy, it is said craves pizza with bananas
    and hash…just wrong!

    According to my inbox I am wanted but
    according to my Doctor and my Dad
    I am sorely wanting…. I have diabetes
    and it’s my fault. Doesn’t help a damn
    that the Doc is Dad’s best friend!

    According to the restaurant where I just had dinner
    I am OK to resign from the up-coming
    Gourmet week judgment panel
    as I am sick and weak and can no longer
    drink like a thirsty fish…

    According to my clock it’s high time I went to bed
    but you should know that according to me
    a fish with two eyes is a fiish
    and a fish with no eyes is a fsh!
    (which is really funny..hahahahaha!!!)

    According to the rules…
    this not poetry….
    it’s just saying, that’s all…


  2. De Jackson

    According to De…
    Thank you to Marie and SaraV.

    And Iain, what if you ignore the blanks a little,
    and just put the word "according" somewhere in the middle?
    We’d miss you too much for you to be bailin’
    (Now if we can just get these codes to stop failin’…)

  3. Buddah Moskowitz

    According to Mr. Opinion
    (a poem for my Pop)

    "Everybody wants to be
    a musician
    but how many actually
    get a job doing it?"

    "I really want
    to read more books
    but it hurts my eyes."

    "Nah, it doesn’t
    matter to me if
    you don’t wanna
    have kids.
    You can’t miss
    what you’ve never

    "Sure, I believe
    in God but
    I just don’t want
    to go to church.
    I did all that
    stuff when I was
    a kid."

    "If you’re gonna
    get married
    you have to know
    how to take
    a punch."

    "To apologize
    to your mother
    is the biggest
    mistake you can
    ever make."

    "One of these days
    you’re gonna meet
    a pretty little girl
    and you’re gonna
    start dating her
    and before you know it
    she’s gonna be
    pregnant and then
    how’re you gonna
    pay for it all?"

    "Go into electronics.
    I know about that
    field and there’s all
    kinds of jobs there."

    "Do you know why I
    bought this carpet colored
    Because I want you
    to treat it like

    "Don’t waste your vote,
    Vote for Perot!"

    "What you eat in private
    shows in public."

    "Thank you, mijo,
    your reward will be
    in Heaven."

  4. Marcia Gaye

    Day 21
    “According to ______”

    This ran through my head while napping and is not ‘aimed’ at Amy (ha ha), but I too know about being the pastor’s wife. Amy you are an inspiration though, in many ways! Thx for that. Robert- loved yours today!

    According To the Professional Christian

    To be a Jesus Follower means to follow Jesus
    not convention or religion,
    expectation or job description.

    You’ll do nobody favors
    if they notice that your labors
    are a heavy burden rather than a yoke made light.

    You’ll be viewed with veiled suspicion,
    they’ll assume you’re living lies;
    they will see through an ill-fitting thin disguise.

    No such thing as perfection,
    just commitment to direction;
    and a heart open for refuge of kindred minds.

    Live your life truthfully, honestly, transparently,
    as a grateful example of grace,
    mercy written on your face.

    Prayerfully and humbly be the safe place others need.
    Show them Jesus is the Truth
    and The Truth can set them free.

  5. Mary Kling

    According To….. (#2 – which is about my two dogs)

    According to Tulip, it is all about food
    and what to do to get the most food
    and how to snatch Violet’s food,
    if possible..

    According to Violet, it is all about
    guarding her food even if she doesn’t
    want to eat it, to make sure that no
    one else can.

    According to me, it is all about
    making sure that Tulip cannot
    eat Violet’s uneaten food and
    get fat!

  6. Sara V

    According to Past Experience

    I should be able to
    Put in the magic code
    And post
    A poem or two
    Maybe hello
    or Way to go
    But no
    Not on day 20
    or 21
    Instead I’m

  7. Brian Slusher


    Support has slipped for the butter churn.

    Most individuals are turned off by LARGE switches like the kind you see in monster movies.

    Bag piping is more popular than pipe bagging.

    Many are disillusioned with their imaginary friend.

    The wide lead enjoyed by spring over winter has nearly vanished.

    The life of ordinary people will become considerably or a little better if puppets are distributed (no preference was shown between hand and marionette types).

    More people prefer not to choose an option in a survey rather than break a window with a tennis racket.

    Almost half of the respondents saw themselves as the problem, not the solution.

    It’s doom over gloom in a landslide.

  8. Daniel Ari

    “According to accordion”

    What sadness quivers in your heart?
    can convert the bitter to sweet,
    may coax new blossoms to mature,
    will help a deeper wine ferment.

    Motion will overtake you sure
    as in a crowd or undertow.
    It borrows your toes and fingers,
    tickling perhaps, through your torso.
    You will dance unless you resist.

    Duets of high spirit and low
    roar, counterpoints of out and in,
    sounding moods of oboe solo,
    bassoon blats, plaints of violin
    compel your clay to turn over

    and over and over again.
    Oom-pa-pa is how it begins.


  9. Sara V

    Theresa–You are clever!

    Iain I always look for you and your wit, please don’t deprive me/us just because of some blankety-blank issues

    Cara-mmm makes me want to hover under the covers–my internal clock says the same thing, every morning


    RJ–you have me laughing again! Do you have a blog or something so I can get my daily chuckle when this is all over?

    I could say that about a lot of people, I’m going to be feeling bereft of good poetry and good company, when that final week rolls around

  10. Theresa Cavicchio

    Iain – Hang in here with us, please. We need your two I’s!

    I’ve been having the same problems posting as many others, but I’m going to keep trying and hope things improve. This site is home to me, and I’m just a homebody at heart.

  11. Marie Elena

    Amy: Not worried a bit, hon! 😉 =)
    SaraV: Glad you saw my comment! Your piece just absolutely cracked me up.
    Walt: Tex? Tex?
    Catch y’all later …


  12. Mary Kling

    According To…..

    According to a well known senior Iranian
    cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi
    earthquakes and volcanoes are caused
    by women who wear immodest dress.

    According to well known televangelist Pat
    Robertson the Haiti earthquake was caused
    by the Haitian people’s pact with the devil
    to rid them of control by the French.

    According to me who is not well known
    to anyone, both Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi
    and Pat Robertson need to get facts straight,
    stop swaying others with their twisted points.

  13. Amy Barlow Liberatore

    Colette, just read your poem and was reminded of the T-shirt that said, "You’re ugly and your mom dresses you funny." Those voices are the ones that scream, while God is whispering softly… and the angelic voice is so often overwhelmed by the voice of The World, you know? Great work, C.

    Pam, I want that entire poem written on the back of my shirt. Can you imagine? ;^)

    Walt, the standing joke was that the cheerleaders were named the Vestal Virgins, but at least one was knocked up before the end of the year. I’ll share the road trip anytime, cut down on expenses.

  14. stephanie hammer

    According to Flaubert

    according to flaubert
    it sucks to be a woman
    poor, a villager
    and as for religion
    it totally sucks.

    flaubert annoys me–
    he gets so much right
    but there’s no heart to him
    except for poor Felicity-
    whom he genuinely cares for.

    her, he gets, and when she dies
    imagining her parrot,
    i feel sad and happy
    and bad wondering
    about my own life, my own
    stuff, the ways in which i am
    a slave to some and a master to
    others, but how actually
    life does not — despite its horrors —

  15. Cara Holman

    According to My Internal Clock, or Sprung Forward, Stuck Back

    According to my internal clock
    I still have an hour
    to hover on that delicious cusp
    between wake and sleep.
    One hour
    to be serenaded by birds
    warming up their voices.
    One hour
    to watch the sky lighten,
    peeling back from the edges.
    My alarm clock says otherwise.

  16. Sara V

    Comments and poems from yesterday

    Maggie E–really lovely

    Marie Elena–glad you enjoyed the "teenage boy" poem–didn’t think anyone would see it, posted so late! Thankyou–Congratulations on 19 years and a lovely poem

    Also, love Naples, and Marco Island, but truly you can have Sanibel…:-)

    De–done nailed it again

    RJ–made me laugh–again–been there! well said

    Ellenelizabeth–in "quiets of winter storm" wonderful words

    Thank you to everyone for comments and beautiful poetry–such inspiration!


    Looking back

    It’s easy to see

    Missteps made

    Words misspoken

    Roads less taken

    Promises broken


    Each’s a lesson

    A step in a future


    And while

    I might wish

    For a life that’s



    Doesn’t come

    That easily

    Greener on the Other Side

    A crystal globe


    Sparks of


    Gauzy shapes

    Taking form

    A weedless garden

    A straw-hat’s brim

    Sun-warmed skin

    With a slight breeze

    Lifting wisps of not-gray hair


    A toddler girl or maybe boy

    Or maybe both

    Or maybe two romping

    Joyful dogs

    Rolling on the spring green


    Bliss, peace

    At last

    Twisted Neck

    Looking back

    All I get

    Is pain from

    A twisted neck

  17. Colette D

    ~ According to the Last Will and Testament of Colette ;D ~

    I wrote my will when I was two.

    Had a midwife crisis at the age of 16.

    A mid-life circus by 19.

    Felt ancient by the time I was 31.

    And calculate my blessings now that I’m ##.

    No! It’s not ###!

    Now I leave it to you to interpret my testament.

    { that’s the exciting and funny (Colette ;D) version (the codicil)… here’s the actual and boring (Colette D) version (my will): }

    ~ According to my Last Will and Testament ~

    I wrote my will when I was two.

    Had a mid-life crisis at the age of 19.

    Felt wise but ancient by the time I was 26.

    And calculate my blessings now that I’m ##.

    Now I leave it to you to interpret my testament.

  18. Amy Barlow Liberatore

    Richard, I love you. This blog is a place where we can all be our outrageous, raw, complete SELVES. You know we’ll never see God in the same way, and yet you reply in love. Which is the point. I don’t expect you to change your views because I said so, right?

    To wit, see De’s beautiful work above – as always, elegantly stated. And Marie, not to worry, Richard and I are both stubborn as mules, and poetry is a wonderful outlet for this.

    Colette, it’s gonna take more than an poem to scare me! The only thing I wasn’t prepared for was the loud bang, bang, bang noises. It doesn’t sound like that on "House"! And of course, when I called Lex to tell him it was over, he joked, "Did they need the crash cart?" because everyone who gets an MRI on House plunges to near death. I was like, thanks, dude, love you too! My hubby knows me so well. The best antidote to nerves is indeed humor, and you know me very well in that regard too, my dear!! Macabre as all get-out…

  19. Walt Wojtanik

    I don’t care who said it, I just want the shirt! I figured if Iain has Robert’s ear, you’d have a better shot at getting your shirt, Patricia. But, mine has to say "Tex" over the right breast pocket.

  20. Janet Rice Carnahan


    We are not paying attention!
    How many signs and signals can She give?
    To say, “Hello, do you remember Me?
    I would be the nurturing energy,
    Beneath your feet,
    Bringing water, vegetables, nutrients,
    Not to mention materials like wood,
    Stone, plants, soil and natural beauty.
    Look around you! That is Me.”
    And what does She ask of us?
    That we remember what we are doing here,
    And how we can collaborate with Her.
    Through the wind and in the light and warmth of the sun,
    She gently reminds us to know,
    We are not separate from Her.
    Our bodies are like Her body,
    We are made up of water, physical matter,
    Inner sunlight and air in our lungs,
    Like the tropical breezes.
    Our mind and intellect can become the conduit,
    For shift and change,
    If not, She will continue,
    To shake us awake . . .

    Until we remember,
    And ultimately embrace Her Grace,
    Saying yes, in the heart, I will listen.

    (To hear her heart message, please go to http://www.NextTopAuthor.com/?aid=94 and VOTE for my book, Hear Earth Heart: A New Era of Consciousness. Thank you dearly and sincerely and please pass the information on to those on your lists and networks. Time and humanity . . . is of the essence!)

  21. Sara V

    Tried and tried and tried–hoping that at least a few comments will make it–took Robert up on his kind offer and posted on his "I’m Not Bob" blog
    Happy Poeming everyone!

  22. Marie Elena

    HI all! I see lots of "stuff" happening out here. Wow! No time for writing/posting/commenting right now, but I’ll be back later. Here. If it takes me 30 tries to post.

    But for now, A big hug, and gigundus AMEN to De Jackson for her sentiment in "according to Jesus." And again I say AMEN! =)

    ‘Nuff said.

  23. paul grimsley

    according to the ineffable i

    a move away from explanation
    curled foetal in the fortune cookie
    withholding utterances from the curious
    burying fires set in enjewelled eyes
    rubies for the morrow
    destined to be a cause of sorrow

    some day i shall have to explain
    to dig out the heart from the locked chest
    and in that moment the world shall stand
    or the world shall fall
    and all the lessons to be learnt
    shall result in salvation or icarus wings burnt

  24. RJ Clarken

    According to 4 out of 5 Dentists Surveyed…

    According to 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed
    chewing sugarless gum was recommended.

    Which begs the question, did the fifth say,
    “Sugary gum is simply splendid.”?

  25. Colette D

    ~According to the Doctors ~

    Don’t ask why.
    Don’t ask me.
    Just be on time
    and you’ll see the results in no time
    (no time to question the doctors, is it?)
    Just go schedule your next visit.
    You can pay with a credit card.
    According the doctors, it’s not so hard
    to wait so long and wonder how
    could it take so long I wanna know NOW!
    Medicine might be advanced but it hits a brick gate
    when it comes to diagnostics. But don’t you be late!
    Call at least twenty-four hours ahead,
    if you’ll miss your appointment ‘cause you fell over dead,
    or we’ll charge your account and say it was all in your head.

    { Amy BL ~ Killing fear with humor was the point of my jest. I hope this doesn’t scare you, and I’m sending you my best. Praying for you to be blessed with the patience of a doctor, for healing and for rest, throughout the days or weeks of your medical quest. }

  26. Colette D

    ~ Bloody Show, According to Me ~

    There are periods in history
    I don’t want to heed
    my feminine protection
    guards this need
    to ignore the cycles of war
    which according to me are nothing more
    than bloody repetitions of
    the same damned bloody show.
    I don’t want to know.

  27. De Jackson

    According to Jesus:

    Love the Lord your God
    with all your

    Love your neighbor
    fellow man
    fallen man
    flawed man)
    as your
    (equally fallen

    According to ’lil old (lowercase) me:
    ’nuff said.

  28. Colette D

    ~ According to the Infinite Loop of the Voices in my Head ~

    According to the voices in my head
    there are extremes of opinion
    One says you’re ugly, fat, stupid, and weird
    no wonder nobody likes you
    Another says you are beautiful and cute
    and doesn’t understand why no one likes you
    One says you can’t even write, you’re not a poet
    who do you think you’re fooling
    Yet another says maybe you’ve got talent, don’t blow it
    get yourself out there and have fun
    that’s the only way to succeed
    One tells you the world is bad, don’t trust it
    remember the bad sh!t that happened to you
    and don’t tell anyone else it makes them stay away
    and you’re so fvckin’ lonely but
    don’t you ever let down your bastions
    those bast@rds are forbidden in your fortress
    but I digress
    but anyway don’t get yourself out there you will get injured
    The mean one says maybe you are insane
    I mean it runs in your family
    it nested entire civilizations in your family tree
    and you’ll never fall out of that family tree
    you’re such a clingy co-dependent monkey
    no maybe it’s them they’re the ones who are nuts
    every last one
    and they are in such denial that they actually think it’s you
    The quiet one speaks and when she does
    you almost want to listen
    if only for the fact that she hardly ever talks
    and she says don’t listen to any of these a$$holes
    they’re not just a$$holes, they’re whole a$$es
    wisecracks included straight up dumba$$es
    only the world outside is guilty of their accusations
    just go right up the middle
    Moses parted a sea so why can’t you
    you are capable of anything if you just pray
    and don’t listen to the voices in my head
    But I turn a deaf mind wow so surprising
    and listen to the ones I want
    trust the ones that keep me in a nice security rut
    and have long intimate discussions with the ones I choose
    according to my mood at the moment
    and all of them say that you people are stupid
    but we’re sorry if you got yourself hurt by what we said
    …about YOU.
    Then the first one says you’re ugly, fat, stupid, and weird
    no wonder nobody likes you…

  29. Colette D

    ~ According to the Voices in my Head ~

    It’s in me
    and it wants out
    It could take
    the quickest route
    but of course without a doubt
    it takes a curvy roundabout

    wakes me up mornings
    disturbs my rest
    clears its throat of its many voices
    dresses up in poetry
    skirts the issues
    and puts a stylish work of confusion
    on your head
    It may sound gross but I’m a willing host
    to these voices in my head

    But I avoid it as long as I can
    to stave off the madness it evokes
    storms in my brain
    rains in my heart
    tsunamis in my soul
    more of those voices I told you about
    and it never stops

    It’s in me
    It consumes
    It consumes me
    It never stops
    Its main sustenance is the blood of my discontent
    It’s never satiated
    Did I say it never stops
    And it nibbles on prompts
    It’s Miss Muse
    and excuse me but I just got
    another idea I can use

    { I think this one would be good for a first entry in the morning but it wouldn’t fit the new prompt and Walt is always so prompt and the site is over-swamped and I don’t get up that early anyway or I would be flomped }

  30. roseann sarra-geiger

    "According to You"

    In your opinion
    I drink too much
    curse too much
    want too much
    I sit, stand, lay
    always accused
    and unfit, a potential
    embarrassment of the
    refined person that
    you know as yourself
    I allow too many
    liberties to our children
    your children, who
    lack necessary discipline
    (or so you say)
    my children, who
    gasp for wings
    will-filled wings
    that lift and sail
    body and spirit
    wings, according to you
    are not for children
    or wives, or mothers
    according to you
    love is an indenture
    a suffering, to be
    endured as proof
    of itself, evidence
    of your own validity
    which you are
    unable to feel without
    seeing, hearing pain
    like a cutter
    you slice, draw blood
    to certify the existence
    of that love
    and preach necessity
    we need only you
    according to you.

  31. Richard-Merlin Atwater

    According to ME—Not Being Amy
    (C) Rich Atwater April 21, 2010

    According to whomsoever "of any persuasion" that has a philosophical stance,
    We all can still enjoy the "time" in which we live (if we sing and dance",
    So Amy Dear, my counterpart in polemic Thoreau-Emerson style confabulation,
    It’s good that YOU and me are NOT Muslim and Jew in verbal and poetic confrontation–

    Otherwise, we’d have to "blow each other up" like a "hot air balloon" to rise above the Sante Fe sunshine day,
    But since we have congenial respect of differences and let God be final judge of where we’ll be Doomsday,
    I say: "Rave on, but sing and play piano too, as you write poetic aficionado emulation
    Of my "wonder words" of divine acceptance for a Mormon Christian–who says: "You may REPENT for consecration".

    But should YOU choose to be "the same" and keep your perspective-viewpoint through misinterpretation,
    Then all I can do is refer YOU to "a book" that may provide some interesting proportional disposition,
    For insight on my semi-prophetic pertness for the poetic clan to survey concerning "Exaltation",
    Read the book: "The WAY" by me, your true poetic counterpart who appreciates your attachment and phulchritudinous infatuation.

    Poet’s Note:
    It’s always an honor to be so inspiring that "others" mimic the style and content (even if in reverse, and in opposition to) one’s writings. They say: "Imitation is the best form of flattery." So Dear Amy–"Thanks for loving me." Please send me an autographed album. Maybe someday we can do a duet of my original song: "A Man and A Woman in Love"–about my philosophy on "Eternal Life". Who knows it might even be a hit like Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson. Just don’t draw any cartoons of Mohammed in the sours of our religious discussions! Let’s keep it Mormon and "too hard to classify".
    Tally Ho! from "Merlin the Musician", the Obi-Wan of Poetry!

  32. Theresa Cavicchio

    According to the Instructions

    should be
    a real snap
    to put together
    so easy a child can do it
    why is it that I find myself foaming at the mouth
    ranting raving cursing fuming
    it’s clear all I need
    is to find

  33. De Jackson

    According to No One in Particular

    According to her high school college
    prep English teacher, she had real talent,
    get out there, young lady, get your stuff together,
    get published.

    According to friends, family, those who
    love her, her words hold value, mean
    something, when she gives them
    a chance.

    According to some valued poets
    and patrons whose own work she adores,
    sometimes they even

    According to her own self-deprecating
    spirit, inner critic and daily doubt,
    she is one helluva hack.

    According to her own calculations
    this is a profound passion that
    doesn’t always give back.

    According to various publications,
    she is mediocre at best
    enthusiastically rejected, largely ignored,
    wanton heart worn on sleeve.

    According to its discombobulated beat,
    most days it’s hard to know who to believe.


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