The Great American (Cellphone) Novel: A Writer's Digest Exclusive!!

I, like many youngish people, use the text message feature on my cell phone in an excessive manner, which is indisputably annoying and potentially harmful, especially when trying to cut things or cross major intersections. But unlike a lot of other young people who are probably just text messaging their friends to tell them about the cute boyz they sat by at the new Hannah Montana film, I, friends, am making history. See, I am writing a hit novel. On my cell phone.  Although the fad has yet to hit the US, cell phone novels are huge in Japan. Seriously. Some 21 year old lady friend named Rin tapped out a novel on her cell phone that sold 400,000 copies in hardcover. The New York Times proves this by saying so here:

And so, in honor of this newfound use of my text messaging ability, I just wrote a novel on my cellphone during the car ride back from my grandparents house in Springfield. It will come out in limited release (to all of my Contacts on my Contact List) later on this week but as a sneak preview, I am posting a never-before-seen portion on the Writer’s Digest site. So, without further adieu, here is a two chapter excerpt from The Nite Out by Kevin Alexander: 

Ch 1.
Sup, said John.
N/M. U? said Geoff.
Geoff told him he’d promised 2 get drinks L8R w/ a cute girl that he met at the mall. John says kewl but sarcastically. John h8s the mall, and tells Geoff. Geoff LOLs but doesn’t mean it.
4eva ago the 2 were BFF. Now John and Geoff seemed 2 be not awesome. 10sion loomed.

Ch 2.
OMG, is this Boyz II Men? Carrie wondered. I f-ing heart B II M!
Geoff nods and turns his iTrip up.
I also have Jodeci, Geoff offers.
RU kidding me, Carrie says aloud. Carrie thinks he might be 4 her.
I didn’t know U heart music, Carrie said, LOLing. U R a QT! We;ve G2G to a concert sometime.
Totes, Geoff says. U know who else hearts music? John.
Who’s John. Carrie wants to know.
No 1. says Geoff. At least not 4 now.

There it is, friends. Can’t you totally see the developing narrative arc? And don’t get me started on the tensions arising between the protagonists/antagonist… I know, I’m surprised it’s my first cell phone novel too. I’ll let you know how the bidding goes when the deal for the manuscript inevitably goes to auction.



LL Cool J

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8 thoughts on “The Great American (Cellphone) Novel: A Writer's Digest Exclusive!!

  1. Kristan C.

    This single line from the NYT article

    ‘Indeed, many cellphone novelists had never written fiction before, and many of their readers had never read novels before, according to publishers’

    makes me want to curl up and :cry:.

  2. Kevin Alexander

    And Pat– I’ve found that grandsons of the MySpace generation LOVE tutoring, as long as you don’t mind incorporating long digressive sessions of video game playing.

  3. Kevin Alexander

    Yes, I always think there is something particularly depressing about watching my younger sister sit next to her friend and text message rather than talk to her, but then I start to think that maybe they’re just being creative and ironic in their own new way and maybe we’re just nervous because this entire Myspace and Facebook generation is a part of something that we can’t relate to all that well, and not relating scares us. Or maybe the entire English language will be replaced by shorthand. IDK.

    And Kimber– thank you for your kind words. I’m glad you realized that we keep the level of intelligence so high around here:) Of course, in order to fully embed yourself in the group you’ll eventually have to get the tattoo, but for now we’re just glad to have you.

  4. Kimber Britner


    I just discovered your blog and I love your writing. You make me laugh, so I love your style of writing. I’m a smarty pants myself, so I can relate. Keep it up!

  5. Pat Marin

    Okay, Kevin, you made me laughed but now I’m depressed. First it was e-books and now this. I guess I need to learn another language. I wonder if my grandson is available for tutoring?

  6. Genevieve Cancienne

    THAT was funny. I think it would be perfect for a young adult novel, and like, kids could forward it to each other. You’ll make no money but your name will be on millions upon millions of tiny phones. Wow!

    As for the English language changing, I understand what you mean Mindy. However, the English language is a real shape shifter and it seems to always have been. Only instead of changes due to the Norman Invasion, or something, it’s a technological revolution. At this rate in another forty years or so, if we’re still around, we’ll remember how "L8R" was once spelled with two vowels.

  7. Mindy

    The New York Times article reminded me of high school my high school days, a few years before this text message craze, when instant messaging had reduced some of my peers to using ‘u’, ‘r’, and ‘4’ in the rough drafts of their papers. That made me cringe. Should the cellphone novel catch on in the US, I fear for the English language. And that just makes me sad.

    On the other hand, nice job with the foreshadowing at the end of Chapter 2, lol.


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