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Mission Semi-Impossible: Day Two

Categories: This Writer's Life.
Words: 2216
Feelings: Intense Periods of Motivation followed by Cravings for Applewood Smoked Bacon, Anger, Melancholy.

Sins: Greed, Envy…Gluttony (see: Bacon, Applewood Smoked)

(Tears For) Fears: That my butt muscles will cramp from lack of use, then atrophy, then cramp again, most likely while I’m sitting in a public place with my father. That I’m much better at writing fake articles in the novel for my characters to read than actual ones in my real job. That I might be unhealthily obsessed with writing about people scratching their faces, which –when examined psychologically– will reveal that I hate my mom. Or maybe just women. Either way, lose-lose.

Thoughts: I know it’s possible to be too handsome, (Jude Law, the dude Samantha regularly sleeps with in the final season of “Sex and the City”, Jared Leto in Fight Club, etc) but is it possible to be too productive? I was a writing machine today, banging out 2200 words before dinner, which, unrelated, was delicious. The key, it seems, was leaving my father’s house and going and working in the snack bar/lounge area at his golf club (some facts about my dad: retired, plays a stereotypically absurd amount of golf, loves Scottish Mystery Novels and Coca-Cola Classic with a lime, hates change, unbridled optimism and workmen from across the street who park their frickin’ trucks in his driveway).

By getting out of the house and feeling uncomfortable getting up and moving around amongst old, wealthy people that smell like self tanner and hand lotion, I was forced to work, and surprisingly I responded with…productivity. It also helped that I was able to order a club sandwich with–wait for it–wait for it–Applewood Smoked Bacon on wheat without the middle slice of bread (you lose, Carbs) and charge it to my father, something he surely won’t even realize happened until I’m safely back in Boston. Moral: Don’t have kids.

Question to Ponder:Was “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morrissette really written in response to her being dumped by the dude who played Uncle Joey on Full House? According to my dad, that’s the word on the street in SoCal.

I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight,

The Cutting,
Crew

PS- Pictured Below: Jared “Too Handsome” Leto and Dave Coulier hilariously imitating a bunny. Eat it, Alanis.

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7 Responses to Mission Semi-Impossible: Day Two

  1. I think the best part about you being chained to your laptop for 14 days is that we get to hear from you every day. We are Kevin Alexander junkies! BTW, great article in this month’s Writer’s Digest! Hope day three is as productive as day two!

  2. FeetOfClay says:

    You, sir, inspire. As one who recently entered her 8th decade of life, I’m still amazed at the number of writers who succumb to cruel criticism (recently I received this in spades), and lay down their pen (or retire keyboard from producing creativity). It’s understandable why writers hide in lofts, on hilltops, and set up housekeeping in caves. It’s to avoid wet blankets, nay-sayers, .
    Thank you, Mr. Alexander

  3. Pat Marin says:

    Wonderful productivity, Kevin. Keep up the great work.

    I have to go to the grocery store. I have a craving for…Applewood Smoked Bacon with lettuce and tomato and Coke Classic with lime.

    Thanks, Kenin and Dad

  4. Trina says:

    How exciting to get a new blog entry from you two days in a row!
    It is such a shame that you have to go through torture so that the rest of us may have a brief laugh.
    Oh well. As is the world of comedians, clowns, and people-who-are-living-at-their-Dad’s-house-while-trying-to-write-serious-mystery-novels…

  5. Sierra says:

    You are SO right about Samantha’s beau from Sex and the City, but I’d definitely have to pick My So Called Life Leto over Fight Club Leto. Give it some serious thought- then let me know what you think. ;)

    http://fansites.hollywood.com/~clairedanes/bigpic/movie/mysocalledlife/bsoc05.jpg

    I’m pretty sure the majority of Alanis Morrissette’s album "Jagged Little Pill", was about about her break-up with, yes indeed, Dave Coulier. And thank you Joey for dumping her ass, because that was a great album!

    Please disregard Peggy’s suggestion to quit blogging. Without the email updates I get of your new postings, all I have to look forward to in my inbox is various pornography spam.

    Ok that’s not true.

    But seriously, I love your blogs, and I’m ashamed that this is the first time I’m commenting on one.
    Keep it up, and congrats on meeting your goal so far! (Being over word-count today makes up for the shortage yesterday- so you’re right on target!)

    Whoomp There It Is,

    Tag Team

  6. Peggy says:

    Kevin,

    My heart bleeds for you and I feel your pain having recently finished a novel with my sister. My advice write, don’t think, and let your charactors tell you where to go.

    My sister who barely graduated from high school is a gifted storyteller who can whip out 30 pages in a few hours. I’m humbled. There’s not a grammar rule that she knows so she is not caught up in the excruciating angst of constructing the perfect sentence. That’s where a gifted editor comes in(my Dad).

    Sometimes it helps to know how much worse other people have it. My sister has four children with no quiet in her home. She’s actually written on a scrap of napkin in line at Walmart when a great idea hit. I wrote with two toddler boys crawling around underfoot. I can’t even fathom the luxury of two weeks to write.

    Quit blogging, quit reading this and get off your butt and WRITE. I loved your descriptions of old, rich guys at the club so you have talent.

    Best of luck

    A fellow Novelist

  7. Being too productive is not possible.
    SoCal rumors are always right.
    Alanis is such a cry baby.
    And congrats on the WC.
    Word to yo dad.

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