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Mission Semi-Impossible: Day Five: Subpar Weekend Edition

Categories: This Writer's Life.
Words: 984
Feeling: Dramatically Displayed Disgust.

Sins: Sloth-like Avarice, Compulsive Gluttony

Fears: I suffer from productivity hangovers, I need Ritalin badly but am too lazy to get tested for ADD, I will never get to the Seventh Operating Thetan Level of Scientology.

Thoughts: Thinking isn’t exactly working out for me today. Look at the word count, friends. My brain stopped. Luckily it’s the weekend, so I’m not expecting anyone to read this. They should be out in the sun, absorbing the Daily Recommended Value of Vitamin D in an effort to avoid ricketts.

But, as a bonus for the sun-haters, I will provide the famous pro-immigration speech by Alicia Silverstone from Clueless:

Mr. Hall: Should all oppressed people be allowed refuge in America? Amber will take the con position. Cher will be pro. Cher: 2 minutes.

Cher
: So, OK, like right now, for example, the Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, “What about the strain on our resources? But it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I said R.S.V.P. because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that, like, did not R.S.V.P. So I was, like, totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings; but by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier!

 
And so, if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians.

And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty?
Thank you very much.”

Question to Ponder: Would Tom Cruise handcuffed and forced to share a loveseat with notable psychiatrist Dr. E. Fuller Torrey, M.D. make a better replacement for Rosie on “The View” than Raven? Keep in mind, Cruise is handsome.

None of this makes a lick of sense. All apologies.

Who Can It Be Now,

Men at,
Work

PS- Pictured Below: Cruise operating at Thetan Level 7, known colloquially as the “Olive Garden”  level. And a rickett-free Orangutan.

 
 

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5 Responses to Mission Semi-Impossible: Day Five: Subpar Weekend Edition

  1. Evie May says:

    Kevin,

    This blog is your book. Working title: This Writer’s Life: The road to insanity. :-)

    Seriously, you could publish your snippets as a compilation of/for the struggling writer. You represent us well. :-) Keep writing.

    Evie

  2. Pat Marin says:

    And you thought no one would read your blog today. It’s a cloudy and rainy day in the Northeast, so of course we had to check in on you.

    Sit your butt in that chair…and write.

  3. Sierra says:

    You know what’s fun? Scrolling down to look at the pictures you’ve included in the posting before actually reading it, then trying to guess how you’ve mentioned the pictures.

    So far I haven’t guessed right once. Which I think means either you are an amazingly unpredictable talent, or that I’m just no good at my own made-up game. A question to ponder, perhaps?

    PS- I think it’s sad that I could probably recite that clueless speech verbatim without the help of notes, and I’d probably even remember to pull the gum out of my mouth in a string like fashion and do that little squeal she does at the end.

  4. You tend to use ‘sloth’ quite often. I’m surprised you haven’t placed a picture of a sloth on your blog yet.

    I went out once today and it made me feel all people-phobic…

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