Lit Paper Watch 2: No, seriously. It's on.

Top Internet Searches That Brought People to My Blog Today: “kevin alexander clark’s girlfriend” and “alexander emo boy”

Best Phrase Overheard in a Starbucks between two college-age boys wearing sleeveless Dri-Fit athletic tops and drinking Vanilla Creme Frappuccinos (no whip): “Yeah, dude, I know. But it’s not like I meant to step on her head.”

Word Count: 3116

Words Needed: Like 2300 or so, depending on my character spacing and font choice.

New Best Line in the Paper: “Foster Wallace may be a verbal magician, but at least, in the end, he lets you see how he does the trick.”

New Worst Line in the Paper, especially out of context: “He’s just very compulsive about avoiding mosquitos.”

Fear: My best argument in the paper is a based around actual lines of dialogue from the movie “The Prestige” starring whoever wasn’t in that other magician movie.

I spent the entire day at a Starbucks near my apt, focusing almost exclusively on this paper, not allowing myself to eat, shoot or leave until I wrote 2000 words. It was truly a painful experience, not just mentally, but physically, as my butt muscles managed to tighten, then numb and then possibly atrophy. What can I say: Academia is an ugly, unathletic world. The good news is I did manage to get those words written, and can sort of see the finish line. The bad news is, yeah, no sh*t I better see the finish line, because the paper is due tomorrow, plus I have to make an in class presentation about Ishmael Reed, and the only thing I know about him is that he may have been born in Tennessee. So, in honor of my having to pull a college-style All Nighter, I’m including a radical fitting Lionel Richie music video complete with Richie in leather pants and a multi-cultural crowd of men in fluorescent tank tops doing the robot.

I know, I know, I spoil you.

Oh, and one more thing: Haven’t there been several times when you’re like, “All I want to do right now is quit my job and spend my day(s) reading old (but still culturally relevant) posts by Kevin Alexander, much like his father does?” And then you went to my site, scrolled down, and realized that that sort of thing just wasn’t possible? Wasn’t that a terrible time in your life? Well now, thanks to more technological geniusocity by Karen Lapthorn, I actually have an archives section so you can relive all the drama of the past six months, like when that guy yelled at me in the comments section for not teaching him anything or the time I posted a picture of a pantless hippie I found via the Web. It’s all there. For you, friends.

Until tomorrow, when I inevitably arrive unshowered and unshaven to class without my works cited.
We Will Still Be Friends Forever,

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6 thoughts on “Lit Paper Watch 2: No, seriously. It's on.

  1. Jen

    I had to see the IR comment for myself.

    BTW, I am an idiot. I read your column in WD for the first time two days after getting my acceptance letter to Emerson. I remember thinking, "Hey! That guy goes to Emerson!" It took me until yesterday to realize that you are "that guy" and I’d been sitting in class with you for the last six weeks. I’m a flippin’ genius.

  2. Another Lisa

    That’s a very peculiar Starbucks story. Good luck with your paper! As long as you use enough big words and things that sound like symbolism or say something that nobody really understands, you should be fine.