Filling the Creative Well

 

My creative well is empty. And it gets worse—something has happened to my brain. I’m forgetting things. I have failed to register for next semester’s classes, pick up my husband’s shirts from the dry cleaners (3 days in a row), put the milk back in the fridge. I am writing down the wrong words. In a recent story I workshopped I wrote groomed three times, instead of groom. I write what instead of where. That instead of tree. Just yesterday I was frantically searching for my phone WHILE I WAS TALKING ON IT. As I made my way up to bed the other night, I carried the book I was reading and my car keys. I tell my husband these things and he says they scare him. I tell my mother and she says to take a walk. Give it a break. Step away from the writing, from the work. Take ten minutes. You’re stressed. Stressed, stressed, stressed. Is that what this is?

The thing is, I don’t feel stressed, but my body and mind are telling me otherwise. I am usually full of ideas for stories, articles and blogs, but no, the past few days, nothing. My mind is blank, empty.  The idea of being creative when I can barely remember my name seems, well, impossible. This isn’t writers block. Or even writer’s fright (this is what a colleague calls it, something similar to stage fright when you freeze up, afraid your thoughts will amount to nothing on the page). What is this? Burn out, my husband says.

How to replenish the well? I tried a few things yesterday and they helped. I met a friend for dinner in New York City. We ate Chicken Cobb salads and drank wine out of juice glasses and talked about writing. But there was no pressure, just easy going chatter, what we love about the process, books we’ve recently read and enjoyed. She told me about the children she teaches, how she lets them lie on their stomachs as they write, how they raise their hands eager to share their work. And then I met another friend on 6th avenue, just two avenues over, and I ordered again. More food. This time French fries. Lots of salt.  And there was more conversation, this time about the recent article she’d sold to an online magazine. We celebrated.  We talked about the possibility of things, about art, about putting one foot in front of the other, about submitting to magazines and how they sometimes say yes.

Food and friends. They help replenish the well. Sitting in a bistro with the lights dimmed, a candle flickering in the middle of the table. Talking about the big picture, letting the small stuff slide away. What else? I am thinking of artist dates… Julia Cameron recommends them. I think I should take myself on one tomorrow. It’s when you treat yourself, take yourself somewhere special— a paint store, a book store, a museum. You buy a pack of glittery stickers, decorate pottery, search for the perfect notebook in a stationary store. Take a walk, my mother keeps saying. Yes, I need to listen to my mother more. This too helps—fresh air and walking. Moving in general is good.

Food and friends and glittery stickers and moving.

I do know that once I cure this burn-out the well will slowly replenish. Soon I will be drinking from it again, writing again, imagining. Soon I will use the right words (see—I almost wrote write words). Soon I will feel like myself, not like someone who will never write another word and brings her keys with her to bed.

We are so hard on ourselves. Write every day, we say. Stick to your goals. Yes, yes, this is all important. We should do this when we can, when our bodies and minds are strong. But what about the times when we push ourselves too far? Don’t we deserve a break? Don’t we owe it to ourselves to take a walk in the park or to a cancel the meeting and grab coffee with a dear friend instead? We aren’t taking away from our writing time. No, we are replenishing, filling up.

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.”

-Sir John Lubbock

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0 thoughts on “Filling the Creative Well

  1. Kate

    Thank you, Angela. I am trying to hang in there. It’s been one of those weeks. Just read this quote and it helps:

    "Life’s real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up." I am holding on to that.

    Good luck to you, too… yes, take that walk, paint your living room, whatever it takes.

  2. Angela Johnson

    Kate~
    I stumbled onto your blog and was comforted. Yes, your discomfort reminds me that I’m not alone. That probaly doesn’t make you feel any better. But, this week has been the first time since I started writing that I’ve considered quitting. Maybe I should re-decorate my bathroom, paint my dining room, volunteer at the hospital, something, anything more productive than writing. But, I don’t want to quit. I don’t want to be a quitter. I need to push through this moment in time where I either get better or get out. Maybe I just need a break. Maybe I just need a walk. Maybe I just need to paint my dining room and get it over with. Thanks for hanging in there Kate, and know that I’m encouraged to hang in there with you!

  3. bradley morrow

    kate,

    Although i am not published. I enjoy writing. It started as a challenge from my daughters. The trip was enjoyable and frustrating. Ran into a brain freeze. I just listened to music seen some sights and played it very causual. Then song Whiskey for my men beer for my horses played. I started writing on some things in family life that took it back to orginal book and into second book with more ideas flowing out.

    just relax dont worry about pulling it out just let it happen and have fun. I am finding i write for the fun of it now. Imagination is running rampant.

  4. Kate

    Melissa,
    Thank you so much for your comment. It’s so nice to know that others can relate and that we are all in this together, here to support one another. I VERY much appreciate your kind words.
    -Kate

  5. Melissa Lytton

    I’m so sorry that you’re going through burn out. It can be rough. I’m going through the same thing myself. Well, actually, I hit it about the same time every semester. Next thing you know, I feel like everyone hates my work and I’m not sure if I’m cut out to be a writer. Just keep taking it easy and remember that the holidays are coming soon. And by all means, do take that artist’s date. The last one I went on, I went to the book store and horded anything I could find on Quantum Mechanics (I find it to be amazingly stimulating for creativity.) I huddled in the cafe area, read and read, and didn’t buy a thing. Go rebel, and then soak in the tub with an easy read.
    I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
    ~Melissa

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