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''How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack'' Comes Out Today!!!

Categories: My Writing Life.

Holy moley, dudes, my book is out today! It’s crazy to think that after all these months, the release date is really here. The book is available in all major bookstores, or if you’re an online shopper, you can find it on Amazon easily enough.

I’m giving away a free book to a random commenter who comments in the next 24 hours and lives in North America (ends 12:30 p.m. Wednesday). So comment and spread the word! (Wednesday update: The big winner was No. 3: Christina!)

4 Reasons to

Buy This Book:

1. It will save your life. Besides heart disease and stroke, death by garden gnome is the most common cause of death in the world today.

2. Clarity. Gnomes in pop culture are threatening our society as a whole. The insane phenomenon known as “The Roaming Gnome” is making gnomes sound like symbols of merriment and goodwill, but they are, in fact, murderous murderers.

3. Protection. When confronting a hoard of attacking gnomes, which of these weapons is most effective?
     a) snow shovel
     b) flamethrower
     c) shotgun
If you don’t already know the answer to this question, your life is in danger. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack teaches you what weapons to use and how. It also shows you what weapons gnomes will use against you.

4. Gnomeclature. Did you know that many common phrases we still utter today have their roots in terminology that has to do with gnome attacks? Learn what these phrases are and their strange history rooted in garden gnome violence.

Your life may very well be saved by reading this book. Find it online here!

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58 Responses to ''How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack'' Comes Out Today!!!

  1. NaomiRuth says:

    Omgoodness… I just finished reading this Book and it is Fantastic. I knew I didn’t trust Garden Gnomes for a Reason.

  2. Congrats, Chuck!!! I’m pretty sure my husband and I need this book. : )

  3. Kristan says:

    I’m too late for the contest, but I wanted to add in my congratulations! All the best, Chuck!

  4. Congratulations on the release of your book! I feel immensely safer now :)

  5. You’re hilarious, Chuck. Really.

  6. Audra Krell says:

    Out here in the desert we battle some pretty nasty creatures like rattlesnakes and scorpions, but I believe desert variety garden gnomes are the most dangerous. Save me Chuck, please.

  7. Beth Britton says:

    What about David the Gnome? Is he safe?

  8. EVERYONE should buy this book! Everyone but me, that is, because I am your random commenter. I promise to read and treasure and extol the virtues of your seminal work on this fabulous gnomish topic.

  9. Karen Lange says:

    The book sounds great! Congrats on your success!

  10. Garden Gnomes totally freak me out!

  11. Grandma Holly says:

    He won’t earn any Gnobell Prize for this book but I love his gnoble ideals. I gnominate a friend of mine to contact this writer and share her life experiences with those fiercely gnomadic gnocturnal Gnomes that keep invading her privacy. Chuck could write another book. He obviously has the gnominclature abilities to give it a great title that will attract a lot of needed attention to this scourge in our gardens.

  12. lisahgolden says:

    Congratulations on the release of your book! I can’t wait to get it.

  13. What a cool book! This looks like something I have to read!

  14. Did I make it in just under the wire?

    We had a garden gnome when I was a kid and I would walk all the way around the house in the opposite direction so I didn’t have to pass it. Now I know how right my instincts were! Can’t wait to read the book. Congrats!

  15. Sarah says:

    Congrats to you!!! Looking forward to hearing you speak in Greenfield next weekend!!!

  16. Jewel Allen says:

    What a fun book! Congratulations, Chuck!!

  17. I’m motivated to buy your book for issues of safety (your points 1-3). Issue #4, the spread of Gnomeclature, is even more important to my sanity. Your in-depth analysis promises many chuckles and chortles and out right snorts. I anticipate plenty to tweet about.

    Bravo, Chuck!

  18. Natalie Aguirre says:

    Congrats Chuck. Hope your book does well.

  19. Congrats Chuck. A lot of work in there!

  20. Congrats; looking forward to reading this one

  21. S.E.Ingraham says:

    Ohhh ho ho – you’re gnomebody ’til somebody loooooves you – you’re gnomebody til somebody cares … gnomes rock … gnomes rule … finally, gnomes are getting their due in a book about how truly fearsome they are … long live the garden gnome.

  22. Marie says:

    Congrats on your book–you must be so excited! I’ll have to get a copy for my friend. She is constantly posting pictures of her gnome.

  23. Laura says:

    I’m game – and congrats on your pub date.

  24. J.M. Lacey says:

    Congratulations, Chuck! My mom’s an expert gardener, so this looks like a book we can share. And personally, I think the answer to number 3 is a snow shovel. I’ve had years of practice with those babies living in New England!

  25. Congratulations!

    Lame I know but I don’t want to end in the gnomes hitting list.

  26. Heh. I don’t need no stinkin’ gnome book. Those gnomes in my neighbor’s garden ain’t gonna get ME. I got a big rake with their name on it. So bring it on, baby!

    What’s that?

    Hey, come outa them bushes…YAAAAAYYYYIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

  27. Your book sounds wonderful and extremely beneficial. I can’t wait to read it!

  28. Too funny, you can never trust a gnome. They infiltrated my basement once and made camp under the stairs. to this day my grandchildren still won’t go int he basement unarmed

  29. Erin Nolan says:

    Congrats, Chuck! I predict whopping success for this book, unless the gnomes are secretly conspiring to keep this vital information from getting out to the public.

  30. Gnomes are evil. Which, of course, is why I like them.
    This book just made my Christmas list.

  31. So… I’m going to probably get myself veto’d off the win list right off the bat by saying I haven’t read a single thing you’ve done so far. Skipping past that I saw the title of your book on Twitter and was instantly hooked and clicked through to your name to find out more.

    When I got to the web page I saw this contest and for the name alone (and description following quickly after) I know that at some point I will need to pick a copy up. That being the case I’m tossing my name into the hat for the off chance that I win! Great title and description and I can’t wait to see the actual content ;) (Sadly Amazon doesn’t have a preview of it quite yet.)

  32. Congrats, Chuck! I’m very excited for you and am looking forward to reading it! :)

    Angela @ The Bookshelf Muse

  33. Delia says:

    Looks hilarious, Chuck. Congratulations!!!

  34. Oh, Chuck, I have to have this book, if not for myself, then for my daughter and son-in-law, who have Gnomes already invading their garden.
    Congratulations on its publication.

  35. Zorilita says:

    I’ve got my defenses covered on everything but Gnomes! This would totally fill a hole in my library. Congrats on the book and this my entry for the contest.

  36. Stef says:

    Holy cow! I wrote about gnomes in my creative project for my BA in Writing! This book sounds awesome, and far more useful than the one about the zombie apocalypse. I mean, really, zombies? Those aren’t real. We already know gnomes exist. We won the war once, but can we do it again? They’ve probably been hiding underground for centuries, just waiting, building up their munitions!

  37. Becky Levine says:

    I’d love to have this. Please enter me in the contest!

  38. Juice in LA says:

    GAH! And to think I was ONLY going to buy Tim Gunn’s Golden Rules Today…

    Now I get two books- its almost like Christmas!

  39. I so need this. My uncle’s cousin’s friend’s boyfriend’s sister’s cat was killed my a gnome. I’m scared and need to protect myself because the gnome is still at large. Or small.

  40. Hilarious!! Congrats! (Our books came out on the same day!)

  41. Suzi McGowen says:

    I’ve warned my son many times about the dangers of:
    a) drugs
    b) wandering off the path in the woods
    c) bunnies
    d) garden gnomes

    Sadly, he’s only listened to me about the drugs and bunnies. But I keep working on him!

  42. Jana says:

    Are you serious??? I’d be willing to bet that alot of zealot HP fans will think you are writing a book on Garden Gnomes talked about in the books and about the Gunumbly magic – Luna’s father spoke about in the Deathly Hallows. Should be interesting to see.

  43. Whoohoo!!! Congrats! And … pick me! Pick me!

  44. A book that will save my life? I must get this book!

    I’ll put this giveaway on my sidebar.

  45. Krista says:

    To think, I was only worried about a zombie attack. Now, I need to worry about garden gnomes, too? Yikes! ;-)

  46. count me in! i’m looking forward to reading this (one way or the other!)

    — Tom

  47. Drew says:

    The title alone is awesome.

  48. Anne Gallagher says:

    Congratulations Chuck! Finally, I can’t wait to read it!

  49. Amy S. says:

    Holy CRAP. You have no idea how much I need this book. I have friends and co-workers who constantly send me gnomes knowing that I think they [the gnomes] are going to kill me in my sleep. Like this evil guy, who is sitting on my desk watching me: http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/6m4M_B83fvanCdA2LKR-zXF7WnQhc_W2RJqHsd1XNPY?feat=directlink

    Please help save my life by sending me a copy of your book. I will be forever in your debt.

  50. Les Edgerton says:

    CONGRATULATIONS, Chuck! You rock, guy! Big, big day. I’m ordering my copy asap.

  51. I knew it. I knew it! Garden Gnomes do come out at night!

    Congratulations on your release!

  52. Happy Release Day! Looking forward to posting interview next Tuesday. Great job with Victoria Mixon. Can’t wait to read HOW TO SURVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK!

  53. Very awesome, Chuck! Congrats! Give me a heads up if you land in L.A. on your book tour!!

  54. Trace Miller says:

    Is there by chance a chapter on fighting infestions of pink flamingos? That’s really more the issue in my neighborhood than gnomes, but one never knows, I suppose. Perhaps the flamingos are the harbinger of gnomes to come.

  55. Martha McVeigh says:

    Great marketing!

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