Holy moley, dudes, my book is out today! It’s crazy to think that after all these months, the release date is really here. The book is available in all major bookstores, or if you’re an online shopper, you can find it on Amazon easily enough.
I’m giving away a free book to a random commenter who comments in the next 24 hours and lives in North America (ends 12:30 p.m. Wednesday). So comment and spread the word! (Wednesday update: The big winner was No. 3: Christina!)
1. It will save your life. Besides heart disease and stroke, death by garden gnome is the most common cause of death in the world today.
2. Clarity. Gnomes in pop culture are threatening our society as a whole. The insane phenomenon known as “The Roaming Gnome” is making gnomes sound like symbols of merriment and goodwill, but they are, in fact, murderous murderers.
3. Protection. When confronting a hoard of attacking gnomes, which of these weapons is most effective?
a) snow shovel
If you don’t already know the answer to this question, your life is in danger. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack teaches you what weapons to use and how. It also shows you what weapons gnomes will use against you.
4. Gnomeclature. Did you know that many common phrases we still utter today have their roots in terminology that has to do with gnome attacks? Learn what these phrases are and their strange history rooted in garden gnome violence.
Your life may very well be saved by reading this book. Find it online here!