'Worst Storyline Ever' Contest Winners Announced

Thanks to all who entered the first-ever “Worst Storyline Contest” here on the GLA blog.  We got approximately 185 entries!  The judging is over and the winning lines are below (as well as some commentary from me).  Special thanks to several WD and WD Books staffers who weighed in on the judging, and congrats to all the winners.

“Worst Storyline Ever”

Contest Winners


“After losing badly in The Kentucky Derby, a horse is sold to the glue factory where he is processed and bottled, and we follow the stories of everyone who uses the glue, from a nose-picking pre-schooler to a dyslexic kidnapper who glues cut-out letters on a ransom note, until the last drop is gone.”
       – Chris Whigham

        Chuck says: Out of all the finalists, this one was the one that was universally praised and liked by all seven or so people who weighed in.  And for good reason.  It’s hilarious and creative.  Chris wins a query critique from me and some free WD books.  Way to go, Chris!

TWO RUNNERS UP (in no particular order):

“The grim reaper loses his weapons license and is forced to take a job as a drive-thru attendant at KFC, but when the mafia learns his identity, he hits the road on a motorcycle disguised as an old lady in fear that the new grim reaper is now after him.”
       – Kevin Wood

“The color, the pageantry, the beauty of Rio at Carnival, as seen through the eyes of a blind, sexually abused beggar – no, really, he’s blind so the screen is black the whole time and all you get are the sounds of him being sexually abused and the carnival and … well, it’s kind of an art-house film.”
       – Leland Thoburn

OTHER FINALISTS (in no particular order)
(No prizes for these, but I had
to include them because they’re hilarious)

– “A life-long Play-Doh phobe, once forcibly fed multicolor spaghetti straight from the Spaghetti Playshop by sadistic siblings, spends one night locked in the Hasbro factory where she fights the horror of her surroundings, finds true love with a development scientist intent on making the ultimate ‘doh’ and finally makes peace with the ‘compound’ that has haunted her for decades.”
       – Elizabeth Burger

– “Under investigation for steroid abuse by the LBAUSA, 87-year-old lawn bowling champion Charley Greens’ reputation has been stained, his endorsement deal with Depends is about to dry up, and if he doesn’t uncover who spiked his Metamucil, that shot at the cover of AARP could go to his long time rival of 47 years, Jimmy Crabgrass.”
       – Joseph Lindsey

– “When a man loses his index finger in a tragic lawn mower accident, he might also lose all hope of becoming Paper, Rock, Scissors champion of the world, unless he can find the inner strength to throw his way back to the top.”
       – Jared Nolan

– “The prophecy that tells of a young boy with a strange birthmark and a magical ring, who will save the world, never comes true.”
       – Wendy Elliott

– “Planet Earth faces disaster when the largest and most ill-advised prank is executed by a college fraternity that transforms the Pacific Ocean into a giant vat of instant mashed potatoes, and the only hope for salvation is Idahoan Ralph Baker, world-record holder for mashed potato consumption, who, let’s face it, is going to need an awful lot of gravy.”
       – Kelly Neiling


  • A lot of people seemed to just want to cram in tons of bad aspects into one run-on sentence.  Most of these didn’t work too well.  It’s a shame, too, because some entries had a really funny snippet of an idea that was lost in a sea of other bad snippets.  Entries that were both clever and brief worked better.
  • Priests and nuns and senior citizens were very common aspects in entries.  Hitler and Satan were other common protagonists.
  • Loglines dealing with overly gross things were much more often bad than good.
  • A lot of people wrote “Hilarity ensues…”
  • Any entries that broke the one-sentence rule were not considered.
  • I liked some of the tidbits that people threw in at the end of their entries, such as “(Animated)” or “(Based on a true story)

Congrats again to all the winners!!!

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10 thoughts on “'Worst Storyline Ever' Contest Winners Announced

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  3. snowbear48

    I thought about not saying something then decided I would:

    It seems strange that with 180+ entries, that the "sound of a blind beggar being sexually abused" is considered to have any kind of "winning" merit whatsoever. Please explain–have I missed something here?

  4. Jean

    Congrats to the winners!

    Some of these are actually quite ‘good’. 🙂 And very amusing. I’d totally read them if they were true stories. Does that make me the worst reader ever?


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