Winners Announced: The 'Worst Storyline Ever' Contest

Thanks to all who entered the second-ever “Worst Storyline Contest” here on the GLA blog. We got tons of entries! The judging is over and the winning lines are below (as well as some commentary from me). Special thanks to several WD and WD Books staffers who weighed in on the judging, and congrats to all the winners.

“Worst Storyline Ever”

Contest Winners

GRAND-PRIZE WINNER:

“After an unidentified cow swallows an armed nuclear device in a botched Homeland Security raid, Agent Tom Anderson is thrust into an unlikely partnership with buxom organic farmer Daisy Jones to sift through three hundred cows and 10 barns full of manure as the clock runs down in a desperate quest to save Kansas City from a moo-clear disaster.”
– Livia Blackburne

Chuck says: Out of all the finalists, this one was the one that got the most praise from judges weighing in. I think everyone just fell in love with the last little joke. Livia wins a query critique from me and some free WD books. Way to go, Livia! (Check out Livia’s blog where she combines her love of creative writing and neuroscience.)

TWO RUNNERS UP (in no particular order):

“When a cannibalistic bonsai tree runs rampant at the local Walmart garden center, it’s up to pimple-faced stock boy to step in on a quest to save all cheap garden enthusiasts everywhere using way too much Miracle Grow and the magic pruning shears, and maybe score a date with that cute cashier on lane eight.”
– Kathryn Martin

“A young woman discovers she is half unicorn after farting a rainbow at her bat mitzvah, and must go on a hijinx-filled voyage of self discovery to find her real father and fit as ‘one of the herd.’ “
– Rebecca Knight

OTHER FINALISTS (in no particular order)

(No prizes for these, but I had
to include them because they’re hilarious)

– “A self-aware taco salad travels through the harsh urban jungles of his hometown, across the oceans of discontent, to the mountains of Tibet on a quest for enlightenment, love, meaning, and a reasonably good-tasting low-fat sour cream substitute.”
– Marie Hix

– “When Sparky the Squirrel wakes up without his nuts, he leaves the safety of his tree and makes the journey back to the scene of the crime, the veterinarian’s office, to recover them.”
– Tracy Hamilton

– “True love intrudes on Rodney Staff’s assault against the Guinness Book record for vasectomy reversals.”
– Dave Diotalevi

– “Can Joey, who becomes wheelchair bound in a freak car accident involving cotton candy, find lyrics for a country and western song by traveling in his power chair the 486 miles from one side of the state to the other even though he has to stop and recharge his battery every six miles?”
– L. Ell

– “Leonard the narcoleptic snail sets out on his lifelong dream of running the Boston Marathon while humming ‘Macarena,’ and invites you to join the excitement in real time.”
– Steve Forti

Congrats again to all the winners!!!